When humans are not lovely

A bad day. Starting with a struggling competition, sailing through an anti-human emotional cum psychotic thinking and finally arriving at a stage of 'doubts' and questions, this day has largely painted me in one color - darkness. Neither Gita says nor my sweet mother what I intend to feel or believe amidst my violent and escaping tendencies.

It is difficult for me to portray myself as one generally accepted social animal. Woods seemed to call me. People and there 'peopleness' seem to repel me. A strong desire to put an end to this struggle; the competition which I do not intend to participate in: the struggle of survival. It seems like a fruitless activity, which in turn is decided by me; others; my past and my future, yielding some of the most undesirable state of mind as if spoiling my innocence or desire to walk on the path of LOVE.

War, as understood by great men, seems to be an integral part of our life. Struggle against another: a bitter truth that somebody else's blood, from the body or emotions or desires, is an indispensible item for one's evolution.

What then is Love? What then is gratitude? What then is mercy?

Logical systems, rules and regulations prove themselves to be more desirable (ironically people fight against these trying to nuture chaotic reflections) in this subjective world. The need for a 'guru', internal, physical or philosophical, is like an urgency of soul to find some solution to this violence of restlessness.

The bigger problem (or, perhaps, the life jacket to stay sane) is accepting and stacking the thousand pearls from the hundreds of seas of wisdom in an 'unrealised' and naive thought-factory. Smile & frustation; love & repulsion;and energy & oblivion is the direct manisfestation of the trouble I face in proudly claiming myself to be the willing keeper of the 'knowledge of Truth'. The only thought saving me is I guess this is just a part of the game.

I'll be fine tomorrow morning or perhaps some moments from now. But what about the thoughts and moments I just sacrificed worshipping dark. Or there is just

A ray...

In a mail to lovely Neha, the living entity who (opened me for the first time)continues to open me up like a flower; a strange inspiration, I wrote the following (while I was writing, the thoughts were flowing as if everything is being told)

My worldview:

Life is meaningful.

One should strive to find meaning for oneself- in & out.

Love is the highest virtue.

Everyone has a right to live and evolve at one's own way and one's own pace (And duty to let others do the same, if not possible, then at least try to).

Inner voice is the divine voice. One may even discover inner voice through external sources (people,events, objects).

Everyone has a right and duty to live one's life fully and at the same time heeding attention to the inner calls(which is the most important as nothing else is real).

One should strive for evolving oneself in whatever chosen spheres (doors). A conscious effort must be made to evolve both in thoughts and actions.

Perfection is a divine quality.

Light (positivity and divinity) must be taken in, and the darkness and the negativity must be left behind.

Past should be taken only as a teacher and not a companion overriding present.

Everything in this world is divine. There's nothing which is absolute dirt worthy of disgrace. If it all one come across something worth hate, love should be brought in to overcome suffering.

Last but not least, there must be an ever-increasing expression (inside: through thoughts & outside: through actions) of gratitude for the unknown and the known simultaneously - the Supreme Reason for which everything exists. Once this idea is absorbed in one's own way (dimension), everything else will just follow.

Friendship Day or a chained state

Unfortunately, and also strangely, this blog always gets my melancholy vomits.

Here I am. Armed with a zest to celebrate the finest breaths of my existence- when I am feeling LOVE, I am in a desperate search to take out myself. My friends, my lovely ones for whom I care (have cared) are those who deserve my grateful expressions. The celebration, now, shall begin as now I've got my first salary. But where to find souls? Where are those who shall strengthen my faith, when I am among the others, in mankind.

I direct a lonely dream. Dressed in a topless black attire; trying to harmonize myself into the creation on a hill top, I see myself in the most pure state of existence. But the time which has the colour of the present seems to cry as every moment touches the next making way for either a tear or a certain stretch of muscles on face. In the fight of lonliness and celebration among the herd, I tend to live in a placid tomb.

With the fresh rays of the new sun..........

I am doomed

I had written the 'post' of my life. It didn't publish and I lost all of it. I cannot reproduce it.