Multiple Personality Realizations

There is a body. There is a part of consciousness.There is one more with another body. Close they are, as a result of Divine games either with faith in evolution or dark desires, as plans to be together for a larger part of life bloom.

Many selves dwell in me
And cook looks of different themes
I grow with many as such
Ah! Exclusivity's for waste
Accept the truth, it's tough I know
And not with just widened eyes, but a deeper breath

Everyone has fears, and, thus, everyone shall be given a pot to boil them off. We choose different ingredients, in the form of people, experiences and realizations, in order to make the living in cooking more flavored. Let's accept it, and allow them to enjoy their meal of life.

Monogamy....polygamy....open relationships....open marriages....what's the use of 'branding'?

I opened my eyes

Updated: 23rd Jan'09
Impossible! It's sad!


Updated: 19th Jan '09
Once again. One more time. A better promise, a better state of existence.

Keep promises with oneself -> and, thus, keep promises to others.


Updated: 1st 2009



A lot of issues to be resolved


An emotion has its place, but still inferior to many.

Updated: 16th Nov 2014

I've no idea what is it all about.  If it's about inner life - easiest to assume - I am in a much more stable state. The search is on. The character is still weak as there is still knowing-doing gap.







and the life goes on....

We and our relationships

Change is the word common to us all. We change, our perception changes and, thus, changes the network of our relationships.While shrouded in the confusions are those who fail to register changes in their soulmates, the light realized by the travelers darkens the chance of realization of the incapability of those around them. But then, this has been the case since times immemorial, and shall exist for long time to come.

Can we flow in our relationships too? Can mere waves of the ocean of the heart take the ship of love to the desired destination of realizations? 'Working out' a relationship then seems to be not only artificial, but a dangerous perception towards life similar to an attempt to an answer to a wrong question.

All we can say is 'live'. Right or wrong, there'll be a path sooner or later. Let's pray, let's dance, let's wait and, thus, let's move.


But, it's a difficult condition when you're not the one who changed. It is, indeed.


A whore of no money
Is this what I tend to become?
It's a path of love and not of business
Let's walk till we reach our home

Eternity is ....

Let's have sex. Let's have babies.

I fucking want to shout.

Listen to this what I just realized..

I want to move my body with this, let me just do it now...

I don't think I feel that I'll die....

I am feeling lonely....no one to witness my life

I want to do something for the world (so that the world may remember you)


Eternity. A common element to all of the above is our quest to be eternal either explicitly or implicity in a step-wise manner (procreation). We want to live.

We want our genes to survive when we vanish. This is either because Mother Nature wants us to or because subconsciously we know that this is the easiest way to continue our existence. Let's have babies.

We want to express. We want our life to be 'registered' somewhere. We wish to try our best to throw out to the exterior world what we 'detect' in our lives. On the similar tracks, we wish to have someone with whom we can share and make her/him the witness of our continuously changing form of existence.

Why we wish to be eternal? Maybe because we are eternal. I, feel, we are. But again, are all these ways of trying to be eternal the only ways, in fact are they? Can these be fragments of just a reflection of a larger truth? Have we forgotten our identity?

Does the spirit drives the 'desire to live' for the survival of the body or the in-built survival instinct transforms our dream into a 'true' thought of eternity?

Or is it that we'll never know the answer.

Do I make sense? :) . It doesn't matter.

O Lord, I know you exist. Your form is unknown and so does your relationship with me. Guide me and all.

Right to love

I've put her in trouble which doesn't just take her through psychological and philosophical conflicts, but pushes her into a much more physical torture. I, now, carry a burden of my ignorance which has affected the life of my fellow being, someone from whom I've learnt to care. Sometimes, life can be so unforgiving. I guess, this cruelty is actually the other part of reality or an indication which many religion understand as an opportunity to kiss the truth.

It was an innocent attempt to reveal my fears and love, blending it with the quest for eternity. She tried to nurture it, she tried to absorb it but then the imaginary world of mine ate away completely not only her relationships but also her smooth future. A large amount of poison which originally had generated by my consciousness was served in a merciless bowl to her. She is still drinking it assuming it to be hers. Who will forgive me, who will absolve me of this undesirable destruction I've caused in the life of this dear being. I've loved her. Do I've the right to love?

Only after many months I've realized to some extent her situation. Amidst the unknown games of circumstances, the sweetheart is being crushed every now and then under the illusion of her own 'choice'. The nature has made me an instrument and she'd been the sad notes out of it. Ah! How the chords have loved her. What a net it is, where I want to love, where I can love but she can't be loved. It's such a beautifully planned maze carved, taking positively, just to offer realizations to both of us. Alas, less smiles and more of tears.

Online, and the distance between the two bodies; and the result of it; I've hated it. Where for the whole world this dilemna of mine is unimportant and useless, I tend to mark it with the most important fissures of development.

The realization-

None can understand my reality. None can live the life which is mine
Waste it is if I beg for help. Worthless it is if I expect others' breath
It's a path for all where we must walk alone
Let's love and know what love is
For you, for me

Bless us with buddhi. Mercy. It's turbulence here and a part or, maybe, the larger pot is with her.