Last night I had a strange dream. I am lying on a bed. Suddenly something happens which suggests me as if God is appearing. My body had enormous vibrations (just as if billions of currents pass through your body... coldness....) . Even though I knew it was God.. I got scared .. and I shouted and ran .. in search of my mother.... I could feel the ecstatic vibrations in me for a long time. When I woke up I realized that the vibrations were extremely real. As I usually have such similar vibrations (of lower intensity) for quite some time now, I could see that it was something inexplicable ( the real feeling even when I was dreaming).
I wonder what it is.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
When love causes fear
I can feel a strange pain; a fear that she has chosen the tough path to evolve. The fear has it's origin from a sense of belonging; who & whom? I have no answer.
Love calls for words
In the world of I, the decision is yours
As the life is yours & yours are its seeds
Of pain & pleasure, of thorns & treasures
As they lie in the womb of unknown seconds
I see the blood, I feel the pain
As you run from now and call for the breath
Midst mist of cough and you thought some death
Alas! Thus, tired of the screams you set to shout
Darker is the life it seems to me
Don't live in it rather embrace the death
Strange it is, the bonds of love
Binding one end with the others' right to fly free
The judgment suspends you, my questions censure me
To feel it again, to think of you again
What can I do so doing may not be yours
May be it's your embrace that's the victory of bond
But you seem to fail, as we all do in many
As we keep them waiting, and leave them burning.
Love calls for words
In the world of I, the decision is yours
As the life is yours & yours are its seeds
Of pain & pleasure, of thorns & treasures
As they lie in the womb of unknown seconds
I see the blood, I feel the pain
As you run from now and call for the breath
Midst mist of cough and you thought some death
Alas! Thus, tired of the screams you set to shout
Darker is the life it seems to me
Don't live in it rather embrace the death
Strange it is, the bonds of love
Binding one end with the others' right to fly free
The judgment suspends you, my questions censure me
To feel it again, to think of you again
What can I do so doing may not be yours
May be it's your embrace that's the victory of bond
But you seem to fail, as we all do in many
As we keep them waiting, and leave them burning.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Where do I fit?
How will I earn money? How much should I earn? What is the way I should take my life like?
God: We believe in some Super Being. We accept certain regulations. When we suffer we may tend to ask Him why even when we were doing all these things. We cannot demand. We can request. We can appeal. The service done out of love must not be seen as an investment. We can question and you can be true but you have to accept that the controller is He and not us.
Neha: She suffers. A few more revelations. Her life's getting complicated with WRC and Tim piercing her in sync. My wishes with her and may Lord gives her wisdom & strength.
God: We believe in some Super Being. We accept certain regulations. When we suffer we may tend to ask Him why even when we were doing all these things. We cannot demand. We can request. We can appeal. The service done out of love must not be seen as an investment. We can question and you can be true but you have to accept that the controller is He and not us.
Neha: She suffers. A few more revelations. Her life's getting complicated with WRC and Tim piercing her in sync. My wishes with her and may Lord gives her wisdom & strength.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Mercy....mercy
Time: 10:55 PM , Jan 25th '08, Mumbai
I am talking to Neha. She payed the full amount. The amount - 6000$. Her job is now at stake. I want to cry but tears are waiting for something I don't know. I want to pray but what should I pray for? You be with her? Help her? Show her the direction ? Give her the peace? To what extent can anybody interfere with her life even if it is You? What about the free will & what about the conscious choices? She is a victim of misfortune, it is true. What face of suffering is this.. be merciful.
P.S. Forgive me for darkening the whiteness of the intentions. You know & I know what I want and what I don't know. I can't compete you know. I don't want to compete you know. Give us the way and bless us with Your way.
I am talking to Neha. She payed the full amount. The amount - 6000$. Her job is now at stake. I want to cry but tears are waiting for something I don't know. I want to pray but what should I pray for? You be with her? Help her? Show her the direction ? Give her the peace? To what extent can anybody interfere with her life even if it is You? What about the free will & what about the conscious choices? She is a victim of misfortune, it is true. What face of suffering is this.. be merciful.
P.S. Forgive me for darkening the whiteness of the intentions. You know & I know what I want and what I don't know. I can't compete you know. I don't want to compete you know. Give us the way and bless us with Your way.
Monday, January 14, 2008
I am not gloomy. Just bored :)
In the strange turn of life with painful events in sight, time tickles me with tears and smiles. The self inflicted were fine, but those earned through association is the coin. The image of being a thorn is shuddering The confusions are the biggest hindrance and the mind the toughest barrier. Relationships wound threads of uneven strengths on my heart and soul, each provoking and questioning my mere existence. The lonliness of my words screams in me to find the seed or the flower. The conviction they talk about, the faith they sing about makes me move from heaven to hell. The whole structure calls for perfection but lacks the wheels to move on the road; my dreams pushes me to fly. Not alone I am, I have realized now. The knowledge is yet to be applied & the reality is yet to be realised. The society is the key, the living is the way. Parents & peers asks for me, the others don't call still bounds me.
The only hope is faith. The faith of a child, the pray in this wild.
The only hope is faith. The faith of a child, the pray in this wild.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
6000$ .... Rs. 2.5 lakh ..bravo!!!
what is this Lord? Am I so fallen ? Kindly change the medium. Give me not others. Be merciful. Have mercy. I feel weak.
One more failure - CONGOS
An informal letter
Sir
The results were out and it was very disappointing to not to find my name in the list. Hence, I tried to get 'feedback' from Snehanshu. This letter is a product of that feedback clubbed with my reaction. Moreover,I would be glad if you help me see a better picture.
Feedback:
I seemed to be insincere with my desire to join the firm or as a matter of fact contribute in it's growth.
There may be certain aspects which you might have considered like:
1) Not suitable for job - over-passionte, unprofessional
2) Not absorbable in your talent pool
3) Not a strong character or unethical
and a number of certain other possible reasons. I would like if I were told in a little more detail.
My reaction:
Here I would like to present my state of mind.
After PPT:
Once the PPT was done, I saw my career aims getting structured as if everything's falling into a fit and thus I started dreaming and planning.
After my first interview:
I was satisfied and I was sure that I would be called for the second round. The interview ended around 9 PM. From around 10 PM to 1 AM I was discussing with my friends what is INI and how I can play a role in it. These discussions actually brought so much enthusiasm and promising dreams that I just couldn't detach myself from thinking about the work. I even went to the site of Desai fruits to see how and what work is done.
The second interview:
It was pretty late and when I entered the room, I wanted to bring smile on faces and thus I tried to be humurous as compared to the first interview. My brain was full of thoughts about INI & me. I felt very comfortable and thus I let my feelings out. There was no question of ingenuity and I was trying hard to find suitable words to express my enthusiasm for this dream.
Everyone holds that interview is about selling oneself. I tried to do that in my first interview, but I took the second interview in a different manner.I tried to keep as much transparency as possible so that you may know who I am before I be given any responsibility. At that point of time, I just wanted to express that how the very idea of joining the firm had shaped my future plans and how much I am willing to be a part of the team. But I guess I failed.
I would just like to conclude that even though I have not been chosen for the task, I feel that your company has filled me so much that I still want to say I would love to work with you.
Yours sincerely
Vikram S. Shekhwat
4th yr BTech, IIT Bombay
Sir
The results were out and it was very disappointing to not to find my name in the list. Hence, I tried to get 'feedback' from Snehanshu. This letter is a product of that feedback clubbed with my reaction. Moreover,I would be glad if you help me see a better picture.
Feedback:
I seemed to be insincere with my desire to join the firm or as a matter of fact contribute in it's growth.
There may be certain aspects which you might have considered like:
1) Not suitable for job - over-passionte, unprofessional
2) Not absorbable in your talent pool
3) Not a strong character or unethical
and a number of certain other possible reasons. I would like if I were told in a little more detail.
My reaction:
Here I would like to present my state of mind.
After PPT:
Once the PPT was done, I saw my career aims getting structured as if everything's falling into a fit and thus I started dreaming and planning.
After my first interview:
I was satisfied and I was sure that I would be called for the second round. The interview ended around 9 PM. From around 10 PM to 1 AM I was discussing with my friends what is INI and how I can play a role in it. These discussions actually brought so much enthusiasm and promising dreams that I just couldn't detach myself from thinking about the work. I even went to the site of Desai fruits to see how and what work is done.
The second interview:
It was pretty late and when I entered the room, I wanted to bring smile on faces and thus I tried to be humurous as compared to the first interview. My brain was full of thoughts about INI & me. I felt very comfortable and thus I let my feelings out. There was no question of ingenuity and I was trying hard to find suitable words to express my enthusiasm for this dream.
Everyone holds that interview is about selling oneself. I tried to do that in my first interview, but I took the second interview in a different manner.I tried to keep as much transparency as possible so that you may know who I am before I be given any responsibility. At that point of time, I just wanted to express that how the very idea of joining the firm had shaped my future plans and how much I am willing to be a part of the team. But I guess I failed.
I would just like to conclude that even though I have not been chosen for the task, I feel that your company has filled me so much that I still want to say I would love to work with you.
Yours sincerely
Vikram S. Shekhwat
4th yr BTech, IIT Bombay
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