Q's

(Incomplete)

The desire to express
I have a desire to express maybe because
a) I wish to prove (show) my existence (presence).
b) I doubt myself & need assurance
c) I crave for perfection, hence, need myriad opinions.
d) I wish to share my exploration so that others may be benefited.
e) I derive the pleasure of being the creator

The need for other soul
The need for exclusivity
The issues with loneliness
Boredom? Fun? Adventure? Activity?

Is it possible to live yet die
Is it possible to smile yet cry

BG talks about a state of being. A perceivable but seemingly incomprehensible state. It shall take time, it shall take blessings. The deepest & the priceless exploration without any exclusivity & effort.

Dream - a divine interrupt or a hallucination

Last night I had a strange dream. I am lying on a bed. Suddenly something happens which suggests me as if God is appearing. My body had enormous vibrations (just as if billions of currents pass through your body... coldness....) . Even though I knew it was God.. I got scared .. and I shouted and ran .. in search of my mother.... I could feel the ecstatic vibrations in me for a long time. When I woke up I realized that the vibrations were extremely real. As I usually have such similar vibrations (of lower intensity) for quite some time now, I could see that it was something inexplicable ( the real feeling even when I was dreaming).
I wonder what it is.

When love causes fear

I can feel a strange pain; a fear that she has chosen the tough path to evolve. The fear has it's origin from a sense of belonging; who & whom? I have no answer.


Love calls for words

In the world of I, the decision is yours
As the life is yours & yours are its seeds
Of pain & pleasure, of thorns & treasures
As they lie in the womb of unknown seconds

I see the blood, I feel the pain
As you run from now and call for the breath
Midst mist of cough and you thought some death
Alas! Thus, tired of the screams you set to shout

Darker is the life it seems to me
Don't live in it rather embrace the death

Strange it is, the bonds of love
Binding one end with the others' right to fly free
The judgment suspends you, my questions censure me
To feel it again, to think of you again

What can I do so doing may not be yours
May be it's your embrace that's the victory of bond
But you seem to fail, as we all do in many
As we keep them waiting, and leave them burning.

Where do I fit?

How will I earn money? How much should I earn? What is the way I should take my life like?

God: We believe in some Super Being. We accept certain regulations. When we suffer we may tend to ask Him why even when we were doing all these things. We cannot demand. We can request. We can appeal. The service done out of love must not be seen as an investment. We can question and you can be true but you have to accept that the controller is He and not us.

Neha: She suffers. A few more revelations. Her life's getting complicated with WRC and Tim piercing her in sync. My wishes with her and may Lord gives her wisdom & strength.

Mercy....mercy

Time: 10:55 PM , Jan 25th '08, Mumbai

I am talking to Neha. She payed the full amount. The amount - 6000$. Her job is now at stake. I want to cry but tears are waiting for something I don't know. I want to pray but what should I pray for? You be with her? Help her? Show her the direction ? Give her the peace? To what extent can anybody interfere with her life even if it is You? What about the free will & what about the conscious choices? She is a victim of misfortune, it is true. What face of suffering is this.. be merciful.


P.S. Forgive me for darkening the whiteness of the intentions. You know & I know what I want and what I don't know. I can't compete you know. I don't want to compete you know. Give us the way and bless us with Your way.

I am not gloomy. Just bored :)

In the strange turn of life with painful events in sight, time tickles me with tears and smiles. The self inflicted were fine, but those earned through association is the coin. The image of being a thorn is shuddering The confusions are the biggest hindrance and the mind the toughest barrier. Relationships wound threads of uneven strengths on my heart and soul, each provoking and questioning my mere existence. The lonliness of my words screams in me to find the seed or the flower. The conviction they talk about, the faith they sing about makes me move from heaven to hell. The whole structure calls for perfection but lacks the wheels to move on the road; my dreams pushes me to fly. Not alone I am, I have realized now. The knowledge is yet to be applied & the reality is yet to be realised. The society is the key, the living is the way. Parents & peers asks for me, the others don't call still bounds me.

The only hope is faith. The faith of a child, the pray in this wild.

6000$ .... Rs. 2.5 lakh ..bravo!!!

what is this Lord? Am I so fallen ? Kindly change the medium. Give me not others. Be merciful. Have mercy. I feel weak.